I wrote this some years back, and found it today in one of those folders you never seem to open on yr PC. The kind that just lie there watching others come and go.
As I lay down on the grass,
And opened my eyes to a blanket of stars,
Staring back at me,
I felt so small,
So insignificant.
I felt a small blade of grass,
Tickle the back of my neck,
And I let out a loud squeal of laughter,
Deep inside my head.
As insignificant as that blade may seem otherwise,
It still had the power to make me laugh...
Maybe that's why the stars watch me,
Maybe I'm the act they catch every night.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
"Have I got a long way to run? Yeah I run..." - Collective Soul
I wake up every morning at 5:20 and leave for the gym at 5:45. One can only imagine how painful this must be. But it's just the first 2 minutes after I open my eyes that the pain and the enormity of what I have to achieve - ie getting up- lay ahead of me. Make that one minute. The first minute when my eyes open, I allow myself a peaceful moment. I don't think about anything, I try to keep my mind free of work, painful memories and homesickness. Then everything is all good and everything is happeee happpeee..Then comes minute number two, thoughts slowly start degenerating and deteriorating. And the mundanity of life catches up with your mind. And you think "Crap, I have to do this and that and damn life is full of shit" (Yes that happens).
So I gather myself after minute two. I put on my tracks and I put on my ipod. Sometimes I think I can survive with these. After I wear my sneakers I feel invincinble.
And I run, with each stride, a rejuvinating spirit matches my stride. It pats me on my back when I get breathless and tire out. Beads of perspiration roll down my forehead, celebrating my achievement. I bid goodbye to the negetive energies that find no place to occupy in my heart.
Life is good, I feel like a kid, there is clarity, life is good:)
Sunday, July 01, 2007
About the hug:D
Hugs are such an amazing phenomenon. I mean, can you think of anything more genuine?;)I love giving and receiving hugs:D No I am not like that Amma who heals people by hugging them, but I truly believe there is something therapeutic in hugging.
This is my theory: There is always the giver and then there is the receiver of the hug. The giver of the hug is usually at a higher energy level and carries more positive energy than the receiver of the hug. So when people hug there is a definite exchange of energy from the giver to the receiver. Nice na? I call these 'fattu fundaes' these days. I'm so full of them:P
Of course there are the 'townie hugs', which are with no body contact, just kisses that pretend to land on the cheek, but actually land up in the air, in the middle of nowhere. And usually it is preceded by a loud shriek of genuine happiness (YEAHRIGHT:P) of seeing a friend..ehm.. acquaintance is more like it.
Then there are 'bear hugs'. oh my god. i love those! my god this post is so pointless:P haan so the 'bear hugs' are the ones between bhai behen amma appa and childhood friends types. So cute. And they feel so right:D They are also your 'comfort hugs'.
There are also 'toothpaste hugs'. Rayo thanks for coining this term. According to Rayo they are the hugs that leave you with a feeling of being squashed. Rayo please stay away from me:P
Ok..I'm going to stop here, for the fear that I may lose the respect of people who think I write well. But I shall leave you with one thing.
(hug) :)
Friday, June 29, 2007
Game, Set, Match
An email ...
Wow, this email should have been written a long time back (read as 5 days back) when I got back from Portland, Maine. But the intensity of the experience has not gone away. For someone who has slept an average of 3 hours a night and has struggled almost every single day of this year I have spent in the United States with exams or work I must say this trip was a HUGE relief. And it was fun, oooooh so much fun.
Heather - for those of you who I have not introduced Heather to, she is the Director of Competitive Tennis at the USTA and mainly in-charge of League and Junior tennis development – so basically Heather loves me:D And I am beginning to consider her my mentor. She always talks to me like she thinks I will be a leader someday. She gives me advice with sentences that begin with "When you take on a leadership role…". I don't know what I have done to be showered with so much love and advice from Heather. But hey, I'm not complaining:)
Heather made me move boxes, she made me take copies and do other menial things that interns do. But she also granted me something very few Interns get. My own project:D My job at the Mixed Doubles Championships to be held at Portland, Maine, was to hunt every player and coach down, interview them, ask them to fill out a survey and make small talk with them to keep them happy.
Now, I know I am a social person by nature. But getting out there and chasing 560 tennis players to fill a survey is not my idea of social mingling. (I don't care how hot they are – As you know I'm still in love with Rahul Dravid) But I decided, I got to learn. As Heather says, you gotta do what you gotta do;)
So I made and carried 560 copies of my survey and got into a very pretty USTA Van, which had LOADS of boxes with T-shirts and Raffle prizes etc. And we drove to Portland. We reached Portland by noon and drove to the Marriott where all the players and tournament staff were going to be put up. I was so excited. I had never lived in such a nice looking hotel:D So we walked in and Heather of course was immediately recognized and a thousand people gathered around her and I so wanted to get out of the way, but I couldn't! I got stuck! And she introduced me to everyone. And I tried to smile. I think I did actually. We had a meeting with the hotel staff and I watched her speak, make deals with them, negotiate, bargain, tell them what she needs, what they should and shouldn't do. It was all good:)
After putting my luggage up in my room, Heather and I drove up to the Racket & Fitness Center where the tournament was to be held. It was a short drive from the Marriott. I was shocked beyond my wits when out strode the lady Tournament Director, Devi Maganti! She was dynamic and Indian:) That too from Andhra. I hugged her like I had known her for several years. And the amazing part was that she felt the same way. We spoke at length about her job and stuff. And about Andhra and fooooood!:D It was awesome. We organized the set up and whatever was to be handed out. Fliers, T-shirts, brochures, gifts, raffle tickets etc. And we all sat and talked till 11pm!
At 11pm, Heather and Devi decided to go to the airport to pick up Vic Braden. Vic Braden has got to be one of THE MOST amazing men I have ever met, or will ever meet. He is a former tennis placer, a writer to 6 tennis magazines, a news reporter, a researcher and Vijay Amritrajs best friend:) He was a short stocky old man, with a dry sense of humor. And so incredibly intelligent. You felt intelligence fill the room as he walked in. Vic Braden was one of the creators of the Myers Briggs Personality Test, a very popular one in the US. What Vic does is conducts research on brain types. He knows every player in the top 50 of the world on a first name basis and it just felt so good to meet someone who just had so many stories to tell on so many players, right from Pancho Gonzalez, to Tracy Austin, to Chris Evert , Boris Becker, Andre Agassi and of course 'Roger' and 'Rafa' as he called them! I just spoke to him for hours and hours.
Just to encapsulate some of his stories: One of Vic's recent studies was on Roger Federer. He did what was called a 'Brain Print' of Federer to study differences in brain activity when federer played Nadal on grass and compare those to when he played Nadal on clay. He showed us footage of how Federer looked and what his expressions were while playing Nadal at the French and on grass. Distinct differences in how his lips moved, his eyebrows were, the lines on his forehead. I was left spellbound. It was just beyond amazing. They also had skeletal images of him playing, and how differently his body moved for the same shot on different surfaces.
The second one: He conducted an interview with federer and Nadal about 4 months back. He asked Federer: "Roger what do you do to prepare for a game? What is your strategy?" Federer replied: "I make a list of all my opponents. In the next column I make a list of all my shots. In the third column, I match the shots which would be strengths against that particular opponent and in the fourth column I note which of these shots I have to improvise on, to make it still tougher for the opponent to return" Typical Federer:) He asked Nadal the same question to which Nadal replied "AaaaI don't know, aaI just go out there and heet it". The way these two players think and play is so obvious. They are so tangential in their approaches. But both are legendry in their ways. It's just so amazing to understand why.
Third: Vilas once challenged Braden that he was such a good player that he could beat Braden and his doubles partner even with an ELEPHANT playing with him. Braden decided to take on the challenge. A small baby elephant was brought on to the court. And Vilas played alongside. Result: Vilas won. And there was the photograph of Vilas and the elephant victorious. Vic says "When anyone comes upto me and says I had a bad loss, I turn around and say, wait till you lose to an elephant" hahaha.
Last one: or it'll never end:P One is always so amazed at Federer's calm on the court. But one will be shocked to know that Federer was one of thee most short-tempered bratty and spoilt kids on tour. There were several complaints from the boys locker room about federer's temper and tantrums. When Roger played the finals at Wimbledon last year, his father watched him from the stands. Later Vic got to speak with Federer Snr. And he said he is amazed at how his son inculcated and developed that calm within a mere 3 years. He said when he used to go for Roger's games when he was a kid, his father was always embarrassed by Rogers short-temper on court, and yelling, breaking racquets. Mr. Federer would scream "Calm down" to his son. To which Roger would turn around and say "You go get a drink" to his father. Roger tells Vic that he thought he would have it all together by the age of 19, but it took him to be 20 to develop it and make being calm part of his game. Hats off to Roger Federer!:)
There were several other pictures that Vic showed us, of a young Agassi who was only 8 with hair falling down his forehead into his eyes sitting on Vics lap:) It was so cute.
So that was Vic Braden, there are so many more stories he told me, but I don't want to bore you guys with all of them:)
The next day was the big one, Day 1 of the Championships. Players poured into the club from all directions. I was there standing in my official uniform and my batch to greet them and help them and generally be nice. It was a mad rush. But I was at my charismatic best somehow…hehehe…Yes, the force was strong with me. I have never been more bubbly, more chatty and more confident. I think it had to do with my uniform and batch. People were showing respect types. If only they knew I was an intern. Hahaha..So I was also bossing around, talking loudly and getting people to work. I spoke to our sponsor from Mary Kay Cosmetics who asked me if I wanted to be a beauty consultant:O I was thinking in my head, this is one desperate woman. Of all women on earth she caught the one that has the least attachment to make-up. :P
Watching me silently from a corner was the Vice-President of the USTA, Mr. Ron Friedman. I didn't know what he looked like coz I had never met him before. I sat at the tournament desk to add some touch-ups to my survey, when Mr. Friedman strode in. I in my candid, bubbly over-the-top mood said "Hey there! Wasssssap??" not knowing who the hell he was. He replied: "I'm doin good, how you doin and what you doing". So I went into my 'speech' mode. And I started telling him about USTA and "how we at usta are trying to make YOUR experience better. We want to provide you with an impeccable product and service":D Talk about making an ASS of myself. Ron nodded his head and asked "Where are you from". I said "I'm from India" He said "No kidding" Hahaha. Then he showed me his batch and I fell short of killing my self. I was embarrassed as hell! He had a good hearty laugh and walked out of the room showing me the notice board which had all his photographs and articles in all the latest tennis magazines. He went out pointing at it and saying "Just so you know…." Sooo I curbed my enthusiasm after that for a bit. Ron and I became very friendly though. He showed me photographs of his grandchildren and his house. And he helped me with my work. He was also very happy with the work I did:)
Day 2 went smoothly after that 'slightly' embarrassing moment:P Day 3 saw me work work work, distribute surveys hound people. I entered the Marriott at 11pm that night and had a scene similar to Heather's with players and staff surrounding me and asking me questions, buying me drinks and food and asking me to sit at their table. It was hilarious. I was thinking in my head, one can so easily get sucked into wanting this attention. It is so superficial. Just as the 'seat' gives one a position of power. Once that's gone, you become a nobody again. Hence one must learn to detach themselves from the 'seat of power', from the attention and compliments. One must learn to be ok with it, or without it. :) And I think I did well. I thought about it objectively and took it for what it was. And my awareness of the fact that this was momentary helped not to get swept away by people, by what they were saying and the attention.
I quietly slipped away went into my room and quietly read my book on Nelson Mandela. Funny thing was that Vic described me to be exactly like that. He said I was what he called a 'feeler' an introvert and intuitive. Me being an Introvert is something I realized about myself. And here it doesn't mean like anti-social. He said it means you like your space and quiet time after a while.
And it's true! After a while, I just wanted to be alone. I couldn't take the crowd the loud laughter, the music the constant talking and being charismatic. I really wanted to get into that room and read that book. I did just as Vic said I would. Not because he said it but because I realized something about myself that night.
The survey was a huge success. I hounded people again to sell raffle tickets to this awesome banquet we had organized that night. It was spectacular. I wore my black cocktail dress with a red sweater and did a fluttering eye-lashes trick (as I told someone this morning;) to sell $700 worth of raffle tickets:)
Cindy my co-worker and I made an emergency trip to Walmart before the banquet to buy the right kind of outfit. When we came in we told everyone that our outfits were a creation of Italian designer 'Wolamartini' hahaha.
All in all, the event was a huge success and I got some really good feed-back. I remember the first night I spent alone in that hotel room. For over a decade I had dreamed of a day where I would represent a sport organization, and there I was with no one who mattered to me, around me. The sacrifices one has to make in life are innumerable and sometimes unbearable. But it's amazing how much one learns from making a sacrifice. I salute every tennis player out there, who plays with the same intensity and passion irrelevant of whether he is at home or away, irrelevant of whether he has 'his people' around him or not. There may be moments when Roger Federer goes into that hotel room all alone and misses his family. But he plays, and continues to play..coz that's what sport is about.. And that's what life is about.
Wow, this email should have been written a long time back (read as 5 days back) when I got back from Portland, Maine. But the intensity of the experience has not gone away. For someone who has slept an average of 3 hours a night and has struggled almost every single day of this year I have spent in the United States with exams or work I must say this trip was a HUGE relief. And it was fun, oooooh so much fun.
Heather - for those of you who I have not introduced Heather to, she is the Director of Competitive Tennis at the USTA and mainly in-charge of League and Junior tennis development – so basically Heather loves me:D And I am beginning to consider her my mentor. She always talks to me like she thinks I will be a leader someday. She gives me advice with sentences that begin with "When you take on a leadership role…". I don't know what I have done to be showered with so much love and advice from Heather. But hey, I'm not complaining:)
Heather made me move boxes, she made me take copies and do other menial things that interns do. But she also granted me something very few Interns get. My own project:D My job at the Mixed Doubles Championships to be held at Portland, Maine, was to hunt every player and coach down, interview them, ask them to fill out a survey and make small talk with them to keep them happy.
Now, I know I am a social person by nature. But getting out there and chasing 560 tennis players to fill a survey is not my idea of social mingling. (I don't care how hot they are – As you know I'm still in love with Rahul Dravid) But I decided, I got to learn. As Heather says, you gotta do what you gotta do;)
So I made and carried 560 copies of my survey and got into a very pretty USTA Van, which had LOADS of boxes with T-shirts and Raffle prizes etc. And we drove to Portland. We reached Portland by noon and drove to the Marriott where all the players and tournament staff were going to be put up. I was so excited. I had never lived in such a nice looking hotel:D So we walked in and Heather of course was immediately recognized and a thousand people gathered around her and I so wanted to get out of the way, but I couldn't! I got stuck! And she introduced me to everyone. And I tried to smile. I think I did actually. We had a meeting with the hotel staff and I watched her speak, make deals with them, negotiate, bargain, tell them what she needs, what they should and shouldn't do. It was all good:)
After putting my luggage up in my room, Heather and I drove up to the Racket & Fitness Center where the tournament was to be held. It was a short drive from the Marriott. I was shocked beyond my wits when out strode the lady Tournament Director, Devi Maganti! She was dynamic and Indian:) That too from Andhra. I hugged her like I had known her for several years. And the amazing part was that she felt the same way. We spoke at length about her job and stuff. And about Andhra and fooooood!:D It was awesome. We organized the set up and whatever was to be handed out. Fliers, T-shirts, brochures, gifts, raffle tickets etc. And we all sat and talked till 11pm!
At 11pm, Heather and Devi decided to go to the airport to pick up Vic Braden. Vic Braden has got to be one of THE MOST amazing men I have ever met, or will ever meet. He is a former tennis placer, a writer to 6 tennis magazines, a news reporter, a researcher and Vijay Amritrajs best friend:) He was a short stocky old man, with a dry sense of humor. And so incredibly intelligent. You felt intelligence fill the room as he walked in. Vic Braden was one of the creators of the Myers Briggs Personality Test, a very popular one in the US. What Vic does is conducts research on brain types. He knows every player in the top 50 of the world on a first name basis and it just felt so good to meet someone who just had so many stories to tell on so many players, right from Pancho Gonzalez, to Tracy Austin, to Chris Evert , Boris Becker, Andre Agassi and of course 'Roger' and 'Rafa' as he called them! I just spoke to him for hours and hours.
Just to encapsulate some of his stories: One of Vic's recent studies was on Roger Federer. He did what was called a 'Brain Print' of Federer to study differences in brain activity when federer played Nadal on grass and compare those to when he played Nadal on clay. He showed us footage of how Federer looked and what his expressions were while playing Nadal at the French and on grass. Distinct differences in how his lips moved, his eyebrows were, the lines on his forehead. I was left spellbound. It was just beyond amazing. They also had skeletal images of him playing, and how differently his body moved for the same shot on different surfaces.
The second one: He conducted an interview with federer and Nadal about 4 months back. He asked Federer: "Roger what do you do to prepare for a game? What is your strategy?" Federer replied: "I make a list of all my opponents. In the next column I make a list of all my shots. In the third column, I match the shots which would be strengths against that particular opponent and in the fourth column I note which of these shots I have to improvise on, to make it still tougher for the opponent to return" Typical Federer:) He asked Nadal the same question to which Nadal replied "AaaaI don't know, aaI just go out there and heet it". The way these two players think and play is so obvious. They are so tangential in their approaches. But both are legendry in their ways. It's just so amazing to understand why.
Third: Vilas once challenged Braden that he was such a good player that he could beat Braden and his doubles partner even with an ELEPHANT playing with him. Braden decided to take on the challenge. A small baby elephant was brought on to the court. And Vilas played alongside. Result: Vilas won. And there was the photograph of Vilas and the elephant victorious. Vic says "When anyone comes upto me and says I had a bad loss, I turn around and say, wait till you lose to an elephant" hahaha.
Last one: or it'll never end:P One is always so amazed at Federer's calm on the court. But one will be shocked to know that Federer was one of thee most short-tempered bratty and spoilt kids on tour. There were several complaints from the boys locker room about federer's temper and tantrums. When Roger played the finals at Wimbledon last year, his father watched him from the stands. Later Vic got to speak with Federer Snr. And he said he is amazed at how his son inculcated and developed that calm within a mere 3 years. He said when he used to go for Roger's games when he was a kid, his father was always embarrassed by Rogers short-temper on court, and yelling, breaking racquets. Mr. Federer would scream "Calm down" to his son. To which Roger would turn around and say "You go get a drink" to his father. Roger tells Vic that he thought he would have it all together by the age of 19, but it took him to be 20 to develop it and make being calm part of his game. Hats off to Roger Federer!:)
There were several other pictures that Vic showed us, of a young Agassi who was only 8 with hair falling down his forehead into his eyes sitting on Vics lap:) It was so cute.
So that was Vic Braden, there are so many more stories he told me, but I don't want to bore you guys with all of them:)
The next day was the big one, Day 1 of the Championships. Players poured into the club from all directions. I was there standing in my official uniform and my batch to greet them and help them and generally be nice. It was a mad rush. But I was at my charismatic best somehow…hehehe…Yes, the force was strong with me. I have never been more bubbly, more chatty and more confident. I think it had to do with my uniform and batch. People were showing respect types. If only they knew I was an intern. Hahaha..So I was also bossing around, talking loudly and getting people to work. I spoke to our sponsor from Mary Kay Cosmetics who asked me if I wanted to be a beauty consultant:O I was thinking in my head, this is one desperate woman. Of all women on earth she caught the one that has the least attachment to make-up. :P
Watching me silently from a corner was the Vice-President of the USTA, Mr. Ron Friedman. I didn't know what he looked like coz I had never met him before. I sat at the tournament desk to add some touch-ups to my survey, when Mr. Friedman strode in. I in my candid, bubbly over-the-top mood said "Hey there! Wasssssap??" not knowing who the hell he was. He replied: "I'm doin good, how you doin and what you doing". So I went into my 'speech' mode. And I started telling him about USTA and "how we at usta are trying to make YOUR experience better. We want to provide you with an impeccable product and service":D Talk about making an ASS of myself. Ron nodded his head and asked "Where are you from". I said "I'm from India" He said "No kidding" Hahaha. Then he showed me his batch and I fell short of killing my self. I was embarrassed as hell! He had a good hearty laugh and walked out of the room showing me the notice board which had all his photographs and articles in all the latest tennis magazines. He went out pointing at it and saying "Just so you know…." Sooo I curbed my enthusiasm after that for a bit. Ron and I became very friendly though. He showed me photographs of his grandchildren and his house. And he helped me with my work. He was also very happy with the work I did:)
Day 2 went smoothly after that 'slightly' embarrassing moment:P Day 3 saw me work work work, distribute surveys hound people. I entered the Marriott at 11pm that night and had a scene similar to Heather's with players and staff surrounding me and asking me questions, buying me drinks and food and asking me to sit at their table. It was hilarious. I was thinking in my head, one can so easily get sucked into wanting this attention. It is so superficial. Just as the 'seat' gives one a position of power. Once that's gone, you become a nobody again. Hence one must learn to detach themselves from the 'seat of power', from the attention and compliments. One must learn to be ok with it, or without it. :) And I think I did well. I thought about it objectively and took it for what it was. And my awareness of the fact that this was momentary helped not to get swept away by people, by what they were saying and the attention.
I quietly slipped away went into my room and quietly read my book on Nelson Mandela. Funny thing was that Vic described me to be exactly like that. He said I was what he called a 'feeler' an introvert and intuitive. Me being an Introvert is something I realized about myself. And here it doesn't mean like anti-social. He said it means you like your space and quiet time after a while.
And it's true! After a while, I just wanted to be alone. I couldn't take the crowd the loud laughter, the music the constant talking and being charismatic. I really wanted to get into that room and read that book. I did just as Vic said I would. Not because he said it but because I realized something about myself that night.
The survey was a huge success. I hounded people again to sell raffle tickets to this awesome banquet we had organized that night. It was spectacular. I wore my black cocktail dress with a red sweater and did a fluttering eye-lashes trick (as I told someone this morning;) to sell $700 worth of raffle tickets:)
Cindy my co-worker and I made an emergency trip to Walmart before the banquet to buy the right kind of outfit. When we came in we told everyone that our outfits were a creation of Italian designer 'Wolamartini' hahaha.
All in all, the event was a huge success and I got some really good feed-back. I remember the first night I spent alone in that hotel room. For over a decade I had dreamed of a day where I would represent a sport organization, and there I was with no one who mattered to me, around me. The sacrifices one has to make in life are innumerable and sometimes unbearable. But it's amazing how much one learns from making a sacrifice. I salute every tennis player out there, who plays with the same intensity and passion irrelevant of whether he is at home or away, irrelevant of whether he has 'his people' around him or not. There may be moments when Roger Federer goes into that hotel room all alone and misses his family. But he plays, and continues to play..coz that's what sport is about.. And that's what life is about.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Coz there's beauty in the breakdown
Penned down random words sometime back...
The racing heart,
The being smart,
The enlightenment,
The goal,
The dream,
The toll,
The cream,
The chocolates
Dark and
Bitter,
The games
The losses
Don't deter,
The mind,
Unexplored
Wild
Exciting,
The stare
Cold,
Feelin naked,
The laugh,
The gurgle
Glee,
The feelin
Ecstacy,
Spontaneous overflow of emotion.
Splash.
The wave came in,
Washed away,
All my sins,
My wrath,
My nature.
Illusionary.
The being smart,
The enlightenment,
The goal,
The dream,
The toll,
The cream,
The chocolates
Dark and
Bitter,
The games
The losses
Don't deter,
The mind,
Unexplored
Wild
Exciting,
The stare
Cold,
Feelin naked,
The laugh,
The gurgle
Glee,
The feelin
Ecstacy,
Spontaneous overflow of emotion.
Splash.
The wave came in,
Washed away,
All my sins,
My wrath,
My nature.
Illusionary.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
"Don't be a doer be a be-er" ;)
~Heather Anastos
(Director of Competitive Tennis - USTA)
Heather and I went for a trip to Cape Cod. And Heather spoke, a lot. And I listened to her, a lot. Not only coz she was my boss's boss. But because I knew she liked to speak.
She said to me "Always pay attention to background conversations. The ones that happen at the back of your head". I stood there gaping like I didn't quite get it (even though I had). "These background conversations need to be addressed. Or before you know it they become foreground conversations and if you still choose to ignore them, they become a reality". Hmmm....I fervently nodded my head. What she said made perfect sense.
Is it that difficult for us to address background conversations. Why do we let them go on for so long in our head. I was left thinking... Is this a background conversation?
And as I walked down the beach, I realised that every conversation, every word and voice, slowly died. All I could hear was the sound of the waves. And the sound of my breathing.
I sat up on the ledge and looked at the vast expanse of water that lay ahead of me, the Atlantic Ocean. And I realised I was in a fortunate moment where I didn't miss a single person or thing. I didn't miss my parents, my friends, my ipod, my books... nothing.
For a moment I was fine, absolutely at peace with myself.
For a moment, there was no craving, no desire, no angst and no glee.
For a moment I could just....be.
(Director of Competitive Tennis - USTA)
Heather and I went for a trip to Cape Cod. And Heather spoke, a lot. And I listened to her, a lot. Not only coz she was my boss's boss. But because I knew she liked to speak.
She said to me "Always pay attention to background conversations. The ones that happen at the back of your head". I stood there gaping like I didn't quite get it (even though I had). "These background conversations need to be addressed. Or before you know it they become foreground conversations and if you still choose to ignore them, they become a reality". Hmmm....I fervently nodded my head. What she said made perfect sense.
Is it that difficult for us to address background conversations. Why do we let them go on for so long in our head. I was left thinking... Is this a background conversation?
And as I walked down the beach, I realised that every conversation, every word and voice, slowly died. All I could hear was the sound of the waves. And the sound of my breathing.
I sat up on the ledge and looked at the vast expanse of water that lay ahead of me, the Atlantic Ocean. And I realised I was in a fortunate moment where I didn't miss a single person or thing. I didn't miss my parents, my friends, my ipod, my books... nothing.
For a moment I was fine, absolutely at peace with myself.
For a moment, there was no craving, no desire, no angst and no glee.
For a moment I could just....be.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
The shorter story
My friend and I talked about stories yesterday. How some ended so abruptly, with so much left unsaid, so many spaces left blank.
Emotions left bottled up, having conversations with a genie whose on strike. He refuses to grant you your three wishes. Emotions try to negotiate, atleast one..grant me atleast one...
I dislike abrupt endings. Things should flow smoothly. They should end with dignity and peace. They should be real and pure. They should feel like the waves splashing at your feet on the beach. The ones that always seem to withdraw with grace...
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