It's been a long time comin...

Such a long overdue blog post. People were wondering where did I disappear to?

The truth is, I ran away to my own private heaven and hell. Life continues to throw things at me. Sometimes I run away, sometimes I duck, sprint, sometimes I catch hold of these things, but sometimes I get hit.

And I fall, like one slips on ice. There is no scope to prepare for the fall. It just happens in a fraction of a second. You sit on the ground and think "Do I hurt?". Then you think "fortunately not too badly". (hopefully:)

What you do next is what speaks volumes about you. Some pretend like it never happened. Some immediately look around to see if anyone watched them fall, some fumble all over themselves.

What if we could all just laugh. Despite the incredible pain. What if we could just accept that we have made a fool of ourselves and say "Hey I provided you with an entertaining moment today and my life feels worthwhile because of it"

We would smile, gather ourselves together, pick up the pieces and walk wisely.

Wo Kamra Yaad Aata Hai...

I watched Mr. Javed Akhtar recite this poem at St. Xavier's 8 years back and it was one of those inspiring moments...

Main jab bhi zindagi ki chilchilatee dhoop mein tapkar
Main jab bhi doosron ke aur apne jhooth se thak kar
Main sabse lad ke khud se haar ke
Jab bhi us ik kamre mein jaata tha
Wo halke aur gehre katthai rangon ka ik kamra
Wo behad meherbaan kamra
Jo apni narm mutthi mein mujhe aise chhupa leta tha
Jaise koi maan bachche ko aanchal mein chhupa le
Pyaar se daante,“Ye kya aadat hai, jalti dopahar mein maare maare ghoomte ho tum”
Wo kamra yaad aata hai..
Dabeez aur khaasa bhaarikuch zara mushkil se khulne waala (Dabeez=Hard)
wo sheesham ka darwaaza
Ki jaise koi akkhad baapapne khurdare seene meinshafqat ke samandar ko chuupaye ho (Shafqat = Tenderness)
Wo kursi,aur uske saath wo judwaan bahen uski
Wo dono dost thein meri Wo ik gustakh munhphat aaina,
jo dil ka achchha thaWo behangam si almari, (Behangam= Clumsy)
jo kone mein khadi ik boodhi anna ki tarahaaine ko tambeeh karti thee (tambeeh=scold)
Wo ik guldaan,nanha sa,bahut shaitan,un dono pe hansta tha Dareecha (dareecha=window)
ya zahanat se bhari ik muskurahat (zahanat=Knowing)
aur dareeche pe jhuki wo bel
Koi sabz sargoshi (sabz = green)(sargoshi = whisper)
Kitabeintaak mein aur shelf parsanjeeda ustaani bani baithein
Magar sab muntazir is baat ki main unse kuchh poochoon (muntazir = waiting)
Sirhaneneend ka saathi,
thakan ka charagarwo narm dil takiya
Main jiski god mein sir rakh kechhat ko dekhta tha
Chhat ki kadiyon mein na jane kitne afsanon ki kadiyaan thein
Wo chhoti mez paraur saamne deewar paraawezaan tasveerein
Mujhe apnaiyat aur yaqeen se dekhtein thein,muskuratein theinUnhein shak bhi nahi tha,ik dinmain unko aise chhod jaoonga
Main ik din yoon bhi jaoonga,ki phir wapas na aaoonga
Main ab jis ghar mein rehta hun, bahut hi khoobsoorat hai
Magar aksar yahan khamosh baitha yaad karta hoon
Wo kamra baat karta tha….!

Baby steps;)

Sometimes I think, how did I get to be this old. I am 26 - so much for women not wanting to disclose their age - but I feel older, I don’t behave it, but I feel it. May be it was just this year that has been so eventful and has taught me so many lessons, about life and people and life and people...

This was perhaps the dullest birthday I EVER had. But almost everyone remembered. Friends called through the night. Still have to beat up the people who 'miscalculated' the time difference. But love you guys for calling:) It was comforting to open my inbox to find 63 unread emails wishing me and people telling me they missed me, recollecting memories of other birthday celebrations and of course the 12 o clock surprise parties which ceased to be a surprise after a while:P I would always wear a nice dress while going to bed, to prepare for the event. I remember one night, at dot 12 Sri rang the bell and my mom was up (she sooo knew) and she hurried like a lil' excited kid to the door and stood there smiling happily. And Lo! She was dressed too. Haha..So cute she is:) And then when I opened the door I had all my friends standing outside with a lit cake in the dark. And Sid even had his guitar, and they sang. The song never sounded more beautiful:) Godd I miss you guys soo much. And I also remembered last year, me in my Satya Paul:D sari, (I still don’t know why I wore a sari, wanted to look different I guess and boy was it the right thing to do, not worn a sari since:P). And Kirti Manian yelling Happy Birthday Murtyyy:P Cannot forget my dads expression. He really thought you were talking to him. Haha

Jeez, I’ve had so many moments that make memories. There's not enough space to pen them down. I’m sure everyone has. But in my realm of my lil’ 26 year old life, they are the most precious things I own. Everyday I watch 20 year olds behave like they are 60 and 50 year olds behave like they are 18. I step back and try on my new shoes, shoes that belong to a 26 year old and they seem a little worn out this year but yeah, they fit perfectly:)



Next year, I’m gonna get those red heels and paint the town red;)

Dirty Martini

I raise a toast to all matter and anti-matter

To all those who mattered, matter and will matter.

Sometimes I wonder,

Are you still hung over?

Thoughts imprisoned in solitary confinement,

Trying to escape the cells in your brain,

In vain...in vain.

I can talk more sense than you think,

But first, someone get me my drink.

Friday is here...and so is our escape:)

The imaginary place...

I went back to my first 'home' in the United States on the weekend. Mo has lost a ton of weight. Todd told me i've lost a ton of weight. I asked Lisa if the floor carpet had been changed coz it seemed really bright. She said it hadn't, she said I've been away too long. Too long being one month. Richard said I still don't have all my necessary papers. The guy at the Newman center said "are you going to have your usual,veggie wrap:D". Luna my landlords dog came into my room and sat up on the couch next to me, like she always did. The bed in Maddy's house felt comfortable and the ceiling had windows from which I watched the stars the entire night. I thought of India. I saw the Smith museum, which I never did the entire year that I was there. Dana told me my skin was glowing. I thought it was from the lack of sleep. My bus driver smiled. The guy in the Moroccan restaurant gave me a huge hug. I ate dinner at Indian house:)

'All these places feel like home' - Snow Patrol

The Journey

I've been silently inspired today.
It started out like a little drop of water,
That fell onto the windshield of my car.
And it gathered momentum as I drove through the wind,
And traveled to the top of the frame.

There it met with other little droplets,
Who were having conversations on life,Some talked of somehow surviving the day,
Some cursed the life they led,
Still others helplessly left their future to fate.

One lil' one however, didn't think too deep.
It enjoyed the breeze,
And felt like it rode the high seas,
But still didn't lose itself in the water.

The lil' one watched and smiled,
At the ones who were losing,
A moment of silent inspiration.