So much clarity exists...

So much clarity exists, but we still choose to blindfold ourselves sometimes.

I could never figure out why. Not only do we do that, we try to find things in this darkness, things that we want to see, we look for things in places where they aren't meant to be.

But so much clarity exists. Why don't we have the guts to walk without a blindfold? Is it easier to walk with it on? Are hidden treasures easier to find?

It's true what they say "ignorance is bliss" But apparently it's also being blind:)

Best friend with benefits

Oh the joy of being surrounded by solitude...
My greatest companion envelopes me
To make me laugh
He tries.
:)

New leaf, old stem

I always wondered, do we ever go through certain experiences that fundamentally change us forever? I know we change over time, we adapt to become more cynical, or so it seems. But are there certain experiences in particular that we go through and think "life will never be the same again"

"If you saw the face of God and loved
Would you change? "
- Tracy Chapman

I think back at my life. At the airport. Saying good bye to my parents and friends. Yes that was one such experience. It was not even the initial good-bye. I never accepted the fact that I was leaving my country till I went into the airport lounge. Prior to that I bade a tearful farewell to four people I loved dearly. I went in checked in my luggage and was told to proceed toward the security check. But I just had to see my parents again. So I ran back to the entrance and tried to get out. But the cop stopped me, and said nothing doing. I begged him and said I just want to see my parents, I dont know when I'll see them again. and there she was, my mom, calling my name out loud. One look, that's all I got. And she made a 'thumbs-up' sign at me, through her tears. I turned around and went back in and looked to the side to see my dad through the glass door. I took his blessings and walked away.

That was it. Life changed right then and there. In that one second. Even now when I feel incredibly pressured and burdened, I close my eyes and watch them.

It seems like if I could survive that, I could survive ... almost anything.

It's been a long time comin...

Such a long overdue blog post. People were wondering where did I disappear to?

The truth is, I ran away to my own private heaven and hell. Life continues to throw things at me. Sometimes I run away, sometimes I duck, sprint, sometimes I catch hold of these things, but sometimes I get hit.

And I fall, like one slips on ice. There is no scope to prepare for the fall. It just happens in a fraction of a second. You sit on the ground and think "Do I hurt?". Then you think "fortunately not too badly". (hopefully:)

What you do next is what speaks volumes about you. Some pretend like it never happened. Some immediately look around to see if anyone watched them fall, some fumble all over themselves.

What if we could all just laugh. Despite the incredible pain. What if we could just accept that we have made a fool of ourselves and say "Hey I provided you with an entertaining moment today and my life feels worthwhile because of it"

We would smile, gather ourselves together, pick up the pieces and walk wisely.

Wo Kamra Yaad Aata Hai...

I watched Mr. Javed Akhtar recite this poem at St. Xavier's 8 years back and it was one of those inspiring moments...

Main jab bhi zindagi ki chilchilatee dhoop mein tapkar
Main jab bhi doosron ke aur apne jhooth se thak kar
Main sabse lad ke khud se haar ke
Jab bhi us ik kamre mein jaata tha
Wo halke aur gehre katthai rangon ka ik kamra
Wo behad meherbaan kamra
Jo apni narm mutthi mein mujhe aise chhupa leta tha
Jaise koi maan bachche ko aanchal mein chhupa le
Pyaar se daante,“Ye kya aadat hai, jalti dopahar mein maare maare ghoomte ho tum”
Wo kamra yaad aata hai..
Dabeez aur khaasa bhaarikuch zara mushkil se khulne waala (Dabeez=Hard)
wo sheesham ka darwaaza
Ki jaise koi akkhad baapapne khurdare seene meinshafqat ke samandar ko chuupaye ho (Shafqat = Tenderness)
Wo kursi,aur uske saath wo judwaan bahen uski
Wo dono dost thein meri Wo ik gustakh munhphat aaina,
jo dil ka achchha thaWo behangam si almari, (Behangam= Clumsy)
jo kone mein khadi ik boodhi anna ki tarahaaine ko tambeeh karti thee (tambeeh=scold)
Wo ik guldaan,nanha sa,bahut shaitan,un dono pe hansta tha Dareecha (dareecha=window)
ya zahanat se bhari ik muskurahat (zahanat=Knowing)
aur dareeche pe jhuki wo bel
Koi sabz sargoshi (sabz = green)(sargoshi = whisper)
Kitabeintaak mein aur shelf parsanjeeda ustaani bani baithein
Magar sab muntazir is baat ki main unse kuchh poochoon (muntazir = waiting)
Sirhaneneend ka saathi,
thakan ka charagarwo narm dil takiya
Main jiski god mein sir rakh kechhat ko dekhta tha
Chhat ki kadiyon mein na jane kitne afsanon ki kadiyaan thein
Wo chhoti mez paraur saamne deewar paraawezaan tasveerein
Mujhe apnaiyat aur yaqeen se dekhtein thein,muskuratein theinUnhein shak bhi nahi tha,ik dinmain unko aise chhod jaoonga
Main ik din yoon bhi jaoonga,ki phir wapas na aaoonga
Main ab jis ghar mein rehta hun, bahut hi khoobsoorat hai
Magar aksar yahan khamosh baitha yaad karta hoon
Wo kamra baat karta tha….!

Baby steps;)

Sometimes I think, how did I get to be this old. I am 26 - so much for women not wanting to disclose their age - but I feel older, I don’t behave it, but I feel it. May be it was just this year that has been so eventful and has taught me so many lessons, about life and people and life and people...

This was perhaps the dullest birthday I EVER had. But almost everyone remembered. Friends called through the night. Still have to beat up the people who 'miscalculated' the time difference. But love you guys for calling:) It was comforting to open my inbox to find 63 unread emails wishing me and people telling me they missed me, recollecting memories of other birthday celebrations and of course the 12 o clock surprise parties which ceased to be a surprise after a while:P I would always wear a nice dress while going to bed, to prepare for the event. I remember one night, at dot 12 Sri rang the bell and my mom was up (she sooo knew) and she hurried like a lil' excited kid to the door and stood there smiling happily. And Lo! She was dressed too. Haha..So cute she is:) And then when I opened the door I had all my friends standing outside with a lit cake in the dark. And Sid even had his guitar, and they sang. The song never sounded more beautiful:) Godd I miss you guys soo much. And I also remembered last year, me in my Satya Paul:D sari, (I still don’t know why I wore a sari, wanted to look different I guess and boy was it the right thing to do, not worn a sari since:P). And Kirti Manian yelling Happy Birthday Murtyyy:P Cannot forget my dads expression. He really thought you were talking to him. Haha

Jeez, I’ve had so many moments that make memories. There's not enough space to pen them down. I’m sure everyone has. But in my realm of my lil’ 26 year old life, they are the most precious things I own. Everyday I watch 20 year olds behave like they are 60 and 50 year olds behave like they are 18. I step back and try on my new shoes, shoes that belong to a 26 year old and they seem a little worn out this year but yeah, they fit perfectly:)



Next year, I’m gonna get those red heels and paint the town red;)

Dirty Martini

I raise a toast to all matter and anti-matter

To all those who mattered, matter and will matter.

Sometimes I wonder,

Are you still hung over?

Thoughts imprisoned in solitary confinement,

Trying to escape the cells in your brain,

In vain...in vain.

I can talk more sense than you think,

But first, someone get me my drink.

Friday is here...and so is our escape:)