Sunlight

My parents visiting my home was no ordinary event.

Within a few minutes, a cold, harsh lonely room was transformed into the protective warmth and comfort I have longed for.

Within a few words, memories were awakened, dreams rekindled, and roots re-strengthened.

Within a few gestures, feelings of the purest kind were conveyed, energies of the highest order were exchanged.

Within a few steps, lifetimes were retraced, tears of happiness were shed.

Within a few heartbeats, peace prevailed, unconditional love experienced.

As I said, my parents visiting my home was no ordinary event...

It was divinely extraordinary.

Making Peace

The walk is always tough
When it comes with random thought
And I ask my mind
Often, to calm down
When I sometimes need
To calmly accept
That my thoughts can never be tamed
My feelings will always
Be kept, unkempt

Sometimes the calm of acceptance
Is everything that you need

Chelsea Morning

These words bring the inanimate to life ...

Woke up,

it was a chelsea morning,

and the first thing that I heard

Was a song outside my window,

and the traffic wrote the words

It came a-reeling up like christmas bells,

and rapping up like pipes and drums

Oh, wont you stay

Well put on the day

And well wear it till the night comes

Woke up, it was a chelsea morning,

and the first thing that I saw

Was the sun through yellow curtains,

and a rainbow on the wall

Blue, red, green and gold to welcome you,

crimson crystal beads to beckon

Oh, wont you stay

Well put on the day

Theres a sun show every second

Now the curtain opens on a portrait of today

And the streets are paved with passersby

And pigeons fly

And papers lie

Waiting to blow away

Woke up, it was a chelsea morning,

and the first thing that I knew

There was milk and toast and honey

and a bowl of oranges, too

And the sun poured in like butterscotch

and stuck to all my senses

Oh, wont you stay

Well put on the day

And well talk in present tenses

When the curtain closes

and the rainbow runs away

I will bring you incense owls by night

By candlelight

By jewel-light

If only you will stay

Pretty baby, wont you

Wake up, its a chelsea morning...

-- Joni Mitchell

Fuzz, Thank you for this CD, it's beautiful :)

Picture Perfect

I watched some fresh green grass on a small lawn outside a pretty house today. The blades seemed in high spirits, chattering away. There was a little brook that flowed alongside. The sky was clear, with clouds, like cotton. And a bird flew with his friends.

I remember drawing this very picture in a scrapbook 2 decades ago. Somewhere along the line I lost this image only to resivisit it today and discover the sheer joy that it held.

All is happy, happy, happy.

This crazy Aunt wishes...

My dear baby nephew,

When you grow up, we will have many a conversation we will call 'bonding sessions'. We will use these to discuss life, your women (or men, it's really ok - you can tell me), school, goals, vision and music. I will sometimes talk about cricket. You will try hard to understand my passion, but sometimes you won't. And that's alright. Don't worry.

We will take walks. Where I will complain of my aching bones. And you will tell me that I sound like a 100 year old when I neither am nor do I look it. I will say you're being nice and that is one quality you got from me.

From time to time I will become nostalgic and tell you to live life to the fullest, like your dad, my brother - always did.

Yes, your dad was a pretty crazy man. But he somewhere decided to become more intense and serious with life. Or rather, let me correct myself. Your father was ALWAYS intense. About everything. The good things and the bad things. And somewhere decided to become more intense and serious about the good things.

We will laugh loudly. At jokes big and small. I will tend to giggle too at many points. Yeah...that won't ever go away.

And of course we will analyse lyrics to rock 'n' roll. Always stick to that music. It is eternal. If you like rap, you will get one.

There could be heartbreaks. But it is important to find love, and if a few heartbreaks lead to finding it, they are ok. Take them in your stride and make peace with them. And the truth is the feeling of being in love is always beautiful, whether it is for real or not. Don't be afraid to let emotions in. Don't bottle them up, they tend to get nasty.

You will find that I tend to get philosophical from time to time. Only because I am. I had a panic attack once in school. I fainted and recovered. Was alone at home. But went outside and meditated. And I didn't realise but I was staring at a statue of Gautam Buddha on the porch while meditating. I seldom believe in signs. But if there ever was one, this was it. I was meant to be peaceful. And I will do all I can to achieve this. And so must you.

Always travel, if you need money to do it, I will help you. Every birthday, festival and achievement of yours I put aside $5, which I will give you when you ready to travel. I want you to spend this money on buying books and awakening your mind. Also, learn to speak Hindi, and read our mythological tales. Amar Chitra Kathas are wonderful.

So this is what I call Gyaan, and brace your self for a lot of it. Just remember wherever I am and whatever I am doing with life is irrelevant. If you ever need an agent, call me. I'm in the book and I WILL show you the money.

For now let me go back to watching you go pitter-patter across the floor, like a beautiful lil' butterfly...

Random

They hugged at the airport. Said goodbye. They were very similar creatures who at that moment chose to lead very different lives. It was a defining moment, that hug. It felt like one, was being split up.

They both lived in the moment. Had friends on every block of the streets they lived on. They both returned home late every night, their mothers would wait up, keep the food warm. They would be drunk, disinterested, detatched...

They both hated 'norms', wanted to live fancy free. If they had Harleys, they would ride them into the sunset and lie in an open field on dry grass and wait till the sun rose from behind them. Instead, they scampered for the last local trains from town, to go to a random bar in the suburb that stayed open late.

They both were intelligent and wonderful writers, even better 'talkers'. They charmed their way in and out of situations. Smooth. Had wonderful, smirky grins. And incredible passion for music. If they weren't 'forced' into conventional lives, they would be genius's. Eccentric and brilliant.
Instead, they were wasted, aimless, and silly happy about it.

The airport, a strange place. So many things change there, in moments. So much happiness and anguish in one space is hard to contain. Suffocating. Yet, they both didn't shed a single tear. Hugged like comrades after a war had ended. Laughed from the pitt of their stomach at the change that they were to embrace.

The ordinary heroes then walked their separate ways.

Living in the unknown

What I like most about my life right now is a perpetual lack of a ‘comfort zone’. And it is a good thing. I find myself taking very few people and things for granted. After living 24 years of dependency, two years of a complete lack of it has shaken up my entire thought process and system. There is no ‘Oh I can depend on my brother to do this for me, Oh dad can tackle this for me, Oh mom can make this for me…’ All I have now are lists of things I need to do for myself (and for others), and thoughts and ways of getting things done by myself.

I would be foolish to completely abandon my support system. I still turn to friends for comfort and need some ‘hand holding’ at many times. But the greatest lesson about living alone has been scary…the choice to spend/ not spend is yours; the decision to break down/ not break down is yours. And the fact that you have the power to make that decision contrary to having it made for you for all these years, that’s a hard reality to accept.

Sometimes you make the right choices…sometimes you don’t. But you will always learn. Through every step, every experience, every fall and twisted ankle, every pressurizing moment and moment of despair.

Yeah, the lack of a ‘comfort zone’ gives me all that.