What I like most about my life right now is a perpetual lack of a ‘comfort zone’. And it is a good thing. I find myself taking very few people and things for granted. After living 24 years of dependency, two years of a complete lack of it has shaken up my entire thought process and system. There is no ‘Oh I can depend on my brother to do this for me, Oh dad can tackle this for me, Oh mom can make this for me…’ All I have now are lists of things I need to do for myself (and for others), and thoughts and ways of getting things done by myself.
I would be foolish to completely abandon my support system. I still turn to friends for comfort and need some ‘hand holding’ at many times. But the greatest lesson about living alone has been scary…the choice to spend/ not spend is yours; the decision to break down/ not break down is yours. And the fact that you have the power to make that decision contrary to having it made for you for all these years, that’s a hard reality to accept.
Sometimes you make the right choices…sometimes you don’t. But you will always learn. Through every step, every experience, every fall and twisted ankle, every pressurizing moment and moment of despair.
Yeah, the lack of a ‘comfort zone’ gives me all that.
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2 comments:
umm.. as long as u havent lost your positivity & stopped shining.. that is there still na?
It exposes one to new vulnerabilities and also makes one stronger.
I felt like that when my Dad died, it took ages to adjust to the fact that an important part of my comfort zone was missing.
Then my brothers got married & now have their own families. Its no more I can ask him to do this for me.
I think as one grows older; one just redefines oneself. And discovers hidden strengths & new weaknesses.
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